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The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing
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Product details
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 10 hours and 2 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Audible Studios
Audible.com Release Date: July 31, 2012
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English, English
ASIN: B008RBPP9A
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
...quite possibly my life. The sad truth is that I had been emotionally abusing my wife for years. When she broke the news that she was leaving me, I poured myself into reading and researching everything I could on the topic of verbal and emotional abuse. This book is a major stand out. As many other reviewers have stated, this is one of the only ones on the market that treats the abuser as a damaged human being rather than an irredeemable monster. I was lucky enough to be married to a woman who agreed to give me a chance to change my behavior, she also agreed to read this book with me. Through the exercises and conversations based on the material in the book, we came to a much deeper understanding of what the other was thinking and feeling and began communicating much more effectively. But the biggest breakthrough came when, after reading the chapter on personality disorders, she looked me in the eye and asked "Do you think you have borderline personality disorder?" I didn't want to accept it at first but the more I read, the more convinced I became. I have since been officially diagnosed and undergoing treatment and for the first time ever, I no longer feel like my life is spiraling out of control and toward inevitable... well, let's just say that I probably never would have realized what was going on with me had I not read this book, and the realization most likely saved my life.
After reading Beverly’s book I decided it would be helpful to explore why I had allowed myself to stay in an emotionally abusive marriage for 11 years. I also wanted to know how to deal with my husband until I could divorce him, and how I could heal from this trauma. When I found that Beverly offered therapy by phone I thought I had found the perfect therapist. As you can imagine, I was scared, confused, and my self-esteem was at an all-time low. My husband and I were having serious financial problems and I was facing potentially supporting my mildly special needs child on my own after being out of the work force for 13 years. Many things were said, but I’ll give you some highlights. From our first session, Beverly seemed kind but at the same time slightly irritated with me. It was confusing but I could not understand why on earth she would be irritated with me. Surely I must be misinterpreting. Our third session she blurted out that she never gets irritated with clients but she was irritated with me. I talked too much and got off topic. I didn’t pause long enough after she made a point. She didn’t understand what I wanted from the sessions. During another session, she asked out of the blue if I thought I was beautiful. She was trying to understand where my sense of entitlement was coming from. Another time she insisted on talking at length about why I had not been more successful financially at my previous career. The unspoken conclusion was that I was a failure. That's how we ended the session. She spoke to me like I was a child. I found myself considering staying with my abusive husband after It had taken me a year to muster up the courage to decide to leave and she was slowly chipping away at this. I had anticipatory anxiety before our sessions, afraid of not pausing long enough after she spoke, saying the “wrong†thing. I was anxious and crying a lot. Confused. I was feeling more and more hopeless and losing my willpower. I finally realized what this women was doing to me. She is still very much an abuser and should not have a license to practice.
This book blames the woman for the abuse she receives from her partner. The last thing an abused woman needs is to be told that it is her fault for the abuse, then list ways in which she can change her behavior, in order to stop the abuse. Absurd!
Engel places a lot of blame on the parents, which is not true in my case, and at times she seemed trying to convince me that I was incorrect about that. However, this gave me a lot to consider and good tools to use in my relationships.
This bookChanged my life. I recommended it to many other people and they said the same thing. It blew our minds. This book is one of a kind in that it doesn't assume the abuser is male. If you're teetering on the fence, just buy it.
illuminates the abused and the abuser. both parties should definitely give this a go. will really open your eyes to behavior you had no idea was abusive. highlight or take notes. if you've been through this sort of turmoil, you should have this book in your house and refer to it as needed to educate yourself or others you love.
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